SCOTT IS MY CO-PILOT

5,440 Miles in 82 Hours and 24 Minutes

Published in VICE Magazine's Frenemies, Presented by Kane & Lynch (Advertorial insert packaged with VICE Magazine, Vol 14, No. 11)

For most, mapping an adventure on America's highways means pre-booking Internet reservations at two-star hotels every couple hundred miles along the way, always within safe distance of a Lincoln's Greatest minimall supercenter pancake/chili/chicken-fried steak specialty dinner club. Long dead are the days of red-eyed frontiersmen racing each other on an empty tank across unpaved backroads for a grand total of fifty dollars and a dose of immortality. Or so we thought ... Meet best buds and co-pilots, Roko (AKA Scott Roecker) and the Commish (AKA Jason Miklian), whose 5440 mile, 82-hour and 24-minute, non-stop deathrun from one end of the continent (Deadhorse, Alaska) to the other (Key West, Florida) obliterated the previous Guinness World Record of 96 hours for North American long-distance driving. And, now, after single-handedly restoring our faith in the romance of the road, this tag-team pit-stopped to swap the dirtiest details (bowel movements, body odors, etc.) of their record-setting road trip.

VICE: So, what got you guys dreaming about killing this particular driving record?
Scott: After receiving only localized praise for our driving prowess, we felt the need to step it up a notch. And the allure of the Arctic Ocean was too great to turn down.
Jason: And sheer boredom combined with unlimited Internet access can dig up some truly obscure records online.

Before setting out on your epic quest, did you both have a history in feats of automobiling endurance?
Scott: Nothing of historic significance. But I do enjoy seeing how far I can drive in a 24-hour period. Wisconsin to Oklahoma and back was probably the best run.
Jason: We've both been driving freaks for as long as we've known each other. I used to get as far from Minneapolis on weekends as possible. I remember making it to Banff in a jeep, miscalculating how much money I'd need for gas, and selling my CD collection to a pawnshop in Calgary in order to get home. Good times, but I still say those CDs were worth more than $0.25 each.

The world record drive was done in a Jetta. What mods did you make to prep it for the run?
Jason: Not much, since the car itself already got close to 50 miles a gallon. Just a couple of fuel tank mods to increase the tank size, and a few protective steel planes underneath for the rugged Alaskan roads.

You guys DESTROYED the old record. How is it even possible to best the reigning time by 13 1/2 hours?
Jason: A combination of great planning and extreme luck. We mapped out the best possible route, and timed it to leave at 3 AM so we would miss the rush hour of every major city we had to pass through. The fuel tank mods saved us about 4 stops as well. The biggest thing, however, was the 500 mile road from Deadhorse to Fairbanks.
Scott: The night before, crews had laid out dirt on major portions of the road.
Jason: It's a logging road perpetually in terrible condition, but once a year they have huge machines that carve away all of the busted gravel and potholes, and the next day come in with the gravel again. We just happened to be up there in the 12 hour window when we had perfectly flat, smooth road for hundreds of miles with not another soul in sight.
Scott: Really set the right tone for the ride.

Most might imagine that you raced cops the whole way, shedding rims while off your ass on yellowjackets. But you had to obey the Guinness World Records rules.
Jason: Well, once you start going long distances, it becomes much more about endurance and planning than speed. Besides, the rules state that you cannot get a ticket of any kind or use any sort of radar detector.
Scott: If you get pulled over for any infraction, speeding included, the record is null and void. The true story of the trip is that we did not receive any driving infractions during the record run ...

As co-pilots, how did you divide the driving? And, on the road, did you each have added individual responsibilities or the exact same roles?
Jason: We switched drivers every 8-10 hours, every time we needed to fuel up. Whoever wasn't driving was in charge of navigation and could even sleep a bit here or there.
Scott: Yeah. Primary responsibility while not driving was to get yourself ready for your next eight hour shift. Commish can tell you the story about him not being able to sleep the night before because of excitement. And I will tell you the story of how this lack of sleep manifested itself in his home state ...

So someone lost their shit at some point?
Jason: Roko tells this story far better than me. I've erased it from my long-term memory out of embarassment.
Scott: The story of poor, sleep deprived Jason ... I was awoken five or so hours into my rest period between shifts to find a hallucinating driver. He was convinced that we had a flat tire, because the car was handling somewhat differently. I tried to tell him that all was OK. But he insisted that we stop and check it out. We pull off the road in Hudson, Wisconsin and before we even get off the ramp, Commish is hanging outside the car trying to see the flat. He opens the door, leans out and steadies himself with his hand on the door. Problem is, that same hand was holding a Redbull. Out falls Commish, and he slices open his foot. How? We'll never know. And I pull him back in the car before he gets run over, and take over driving so he can get some much needed sleep. I think he got 10 hours and was back in record-breaking form.
Jason: Incidentally, this whole episode happened about 8 miles from the hometown where I grew up. I think my insane body was trying to climb into bed on the freeway.

Did you have a rad club name for your team? Or badass individual nicknames?
Jason: We just rolled with our DJ names, DJ Roko and the Commish.
Scott: I have one too many nicknames, so I stuck with the standard.

Eighty-two consecutive hours is a long time to be on the road without a washroom. How did you handle the pee/poo situation?
Jason: We tried to starve ourselves as best as possible to ensure that we wouldn't be sidelined by time-killing bodily functions. Once we were pretty well ensured that the record was in hand, I allowed Roko to use a fine Florida turnpike toilet. He'd been holding it for approximately 33 hours.
Scott: Despite co-worker suggestions to buy the "stadium buddy", we devised an ingenious funnel system to address the minor situations. Fortunately, because we deprived ourselves of most food and water (but not Red Bull, of course), we never had to use it.

And two grown men with no showers for half a week sounds like a bad idea. Did things get really, really rank in that tiny European vehicle?
Jason: European vehicles have an amazing built-in ability to stay smelling good. They have to in the land of weekly showers. I think the seats are made of air fresheners. That said, working windows were the best feature on the car by about hour 75.
Scott: Commish actually counts as an overgrown man (towering at 6'4"). It would have reeked much more had we utilized the funnel system mentioned above.

How did you keep each other from drifting into a deep, road-hypnosis sleep at the wheel?
Jason: Red Bull and a few well-timed slaps. Plus, nothing could be more exciting than driving through North Dakota. Except the rest of the trip.
Scott: XM radio deserves most the credit. Baseball games and random music trivia games provided hours upon hours of entertainment. And that amazing storm south of Regina got me through one of the tougher stretches.

What do you do to stay entertained while trapped in a car for three and a half days? Road games? Hitchhikers? Mailbox baseball?
Scott: We were on the look-out for hitchhikers. The closest we got was a bunch of buffalo on the road in the Yukon Territory. Actually, we did have a couple of hitchhikers from Deadhorse to Fairbanks. Our respective wife/girlfriend were part of the advance team, and rode the first couple hours with us (in order to get back to Fairbanks and fly home). In an effort minimize time spent in city traffic, we (honestly) dropped them off at a gas station on the outskirts of town and drove off. Painful. And probably no small coincidence that the girlfriend part of the advance team decided to split up with the team shortly after the run.
Jason: It's as Roko said, and it's still too painful to talk about.


Did you discover any new annoying things to hate each other over? Or things that would have been better left unknown about your buddy?
Jason: Roko takes pictures of stuffed parrots.
Scott: Commish got quite annoyed with me when a blood vessel broke open in my eye.

On top of being world record holders, you guys work as DJs. What tunes were rotating to keep your eyes pried wide? And what's the worst driving music?
Jason: Roko vs. the Commish got serious play. (Insert shameless plug for www.myspace.com/rokovscommish.) Worst music would have to be anything on the emo side. I can't imagine Elliot Smith or Bright Eyes would be a good idea at 3 in the morning in the Yukon.
Scott: DJ Roko Volumes I, II, and III were in heavy rotation those days. Copies available for purchase at the foyer.

Every journey's tempered with doubt. Was there any point when you thought, "We're gonna kill ourselves doing this?"
Jason: Only when the US border guards decided that we looked like a threat to national security and pulled us into the station for a little 'chat'.
Scott: Before we started the run, we stopped to get a document notarized to verify that we were in Deadhorse Alaska at the time we said we were. While Commish was in the bathroom, I told the notarizer our plan. He asked me if I had ever driven the Alcan before. I said no, and he told me that we would never make it to Florida in 96 hours. Never gonna happen, were his exact words. Over and over. I had a little doubt then, but once we hit the road, I knew we were going to do it.

Driving from one end of the US to the other, you're bound to see all sorts of stuff. What was the wildest thing witnessed from your window?
Scott: Aside from the buffalo, my favorite was a fake cop car in the Yukon.

There were whispers that you guys would be taking on the world record for fastest land circumnavigation of the planet. Is it happening?
Jason: We're doing our best to make it happen. Logistically, it's much more difficult, because you have to transport a car across dozens of international borders, and it costs a ton more money. But, with one record under our belt, we're confident that we can not only do it, but shatter that record as well. Besides, we have an ace up our sleeve that nobody knows yet.
Scott: Planning is already underway. We are also considering a drive from London to Bishkek, in a car that costs less than 100 pounds. Unbelievable idea, it's run by some guys in the UK.

What's the ultimate insane plan for the domination of long-distance driving? When would things be so big they couldn't get any bigger?
Scott: I recently spent some time in the Bering Straight, trying to figure out how we can do the true Europe-Asia-North America-South America run. Details are still classified.
Jason: I want to race dump trucks across the Saraha.